What Tsimhoni Dad Can Do to Reunite with His Kids

Having been in the Tsimhoni childrens' shoes, I present to you a list of things to do and not to do when you are a parent whom the children despise and don't want to talk to:

Disclaimer: Not all children SHOULD reunite with the other parent.  If that parent is toxic, violent, etc., they need to have years of therapy themselves and the children will probably not be ready to even speak with them until they are adults.

What to do to reunite with your children:

1. Show them unconditional love.  This means ALL of your actions come from and are done with LOVE, and ONLY love.  This means if you make ANY decision that affects them in an unloving way, you have failed.
2. Write them an apology.  Detail your mistakes, sincerely apologize (absolutely no "I'm sorry you feel that way" under any circumstances!), and tell them how much you love and miss them.
3. Apologize to their other parent in front of them.  Explain each thing you did that hurt them and apologize.  Do this until the other parent kindly forgives you, also in front of the children. 
4. Hug the other parent in front of them.  Tell them you are proud of the hard work and love they put into raising your children.  Tell them how glad you are to have them as a friend.  MEAN IT.  This person is not your enemy and you are not theirs.  By just getting divorced, we break our children's hearts.  Can you imagine only getting visitation with your spouse? Divorce is a terrible thing.  You must both acknowledge that and make it as easy for the kids as possible.
5. If you have abused the children or abused the other parent and they have witnessed it, VERBALLY or PHYSICALLY, explain to the children what you did, how it was wrong, and what you have done to prevent it from ever happening again.  You can say that you are not perfect and will make mistakes, but you must promise AND MEAN IT that you will NEVER abuse them again.  Tell them you will do whatever they desire so they feel safe when they visit you, whether this means all visits are always supervised, always in public, always with the other parent, etc.
6. Read The Conscious Parent by Dr. Shefali to learn how to connect with and learn from your children.  This book will also help you recognize when their actions trigger you.  I'm not affiliated with Dr. Shefali at all but I cannot speak highly enough of how much you NEED this book.  Every parent needs it.  Anyone that refuses to read this book but does not have a relationship with their child, DOESN'T WANT a relationship with their child.
7. After #6, CONNECT WITH YOUR CHILD. 
8. Allow your children to be who they are.  Do not attempt to mold, persuade, teach, guide, lead, rule over them.  You absolutely have given up any rights to the already-awful authoritarian parenting style.  You can protect their health and well-being.  You can have basic rules aimed at protecting those that you can enforce with explanation (see #6), but you CANNOT boss them around.  You can't tell them what they must believe (think religion, politics, etc.) and you can not try to change them.  They are a unique soul already, learn from them.  You are not in the position to assist with behavior shaping any time soon.  You and the other parent must always be in agreement about the behaviors you are going to model.
9. Always, always, always be friendly to their other parent.  Always.  Always act with love (see #1).  Always be of service.  Always bend your schedule to make sure it doesn't trample on theirs.
10. Finally, ask them what else you can do for them.  Ask them what they want.  Always be in tune to their needs, aware of their interests, and actively involved in their life.   There shouldn't be anything "in it for you", other than supporting your beautiful kids.  Text/email them to keep communication going when you can't be together.  Tell them about fun things you are doing with your life, too.  You should still be growing and interesting.

What NOT to do to reunite with your children:

1. Take them to court.  Especially one that will verbally abuse them, jail them, belittle them, mock their other parent, insult their other parent, insult their intelligence, force them to visit, force them to do anything, take away their basic human rights, etc. 
2. Do not do anything to harm their other parent - financially, physically, emotionally, etc.  Look, you used to love this person more than anyone else in the world.  You were together when these precious babies were born.   No matter what happened between you, you must maintain a friendship and act with love towards the other parent.  Do not question their sanity, their mental health, their motives, etc.  Do not financially ruin them.  Do not be vindictive.  Do not allow anyone to speak poorly about them.
3. Give up on your kids.   If your kids won't have an open dialog with you, it's because you've not done one or more of the first 10 items in the to-do list.  They won't talk to you until they trust you and until you've shown love and kindness to the parent they will be loyal to until they die.
4. Do not send your kids cards or gifts when you still don't have a relationship with them.  It will be seen as completely insincere.  If you are aware they are in need of something, send that to their parent. 
5. Do not tell your kids they are wrong, they don't understand, they're too young, it's too bad, they need to deal with it, shit happens, etc. 
6. Do not force your new family on your children.  Do not allow your new spouse to tell your children what to do.  Do not try to substitute your time and attention with that of your new spouse's.  The kids aren't there for him/her, they need you.
7. Do not critique their school work/success.  See #6 of the to-dos.  Your child should enjoy learning and should NEVER be pushed to succeed.  They aren't your mini-me.  Don't critique their other parent's involvement or lack thereof in their school work or other interests.  Support them and their passions and encourage them to have fun and enjoy life and learning. 
8. Take children to counseling.  Well-qualified therapists are great for adults, but they can't fix your relationship with your child.  YOU must fix that.  If your child needs help to sit through their feelings from trauma they've been put through, it better be an extremely loving and kind therapist that is going to give them tools for sitting with their emotions and will NOT even attempt to force their relationships.  Again: ONLY YOU can fix the relationship.  
9. Fight with their other parent about money, for anything.  If one of you is facing a hardship in relation to providing for the kids, work it out.  These kids are innocent.  They still deserve every opportunity they had when you were together.  Don't make them suffer because you chose the wrong spouse.  If there is a valid need, both parents need to be honest and work it out.  Don't quit your job to spite your ex and as a result be ordered to pay less child support.  I can't think of a lower thing someone could do.  You should want your ex-spouse to succeed, they are the parent of your children.
10. Finally, don't be so egotistical that you think you've done nothing wrong.  Don't blame the other parent.  Don't be a coward that runs to court.  Figure out what you've done wrong in your children's eyes, sincerely apologize for it whether you think you've done something wrong or not, and figure out how to make sure it never happens again.  Again, always act with love.  That is the only way you will EVER make progress.